I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
