The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
