he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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