He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
