I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
