my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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