East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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