he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
