Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
