Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
