I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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