You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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