Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
