Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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