Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
