at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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