How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
