is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
