It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
