i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize