1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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