She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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