how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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