I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
