Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
