I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
