his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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