What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
