I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
