If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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