stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
