She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
