So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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