I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
