Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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