respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
