if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
