covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
