Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
