nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The beer is more important than you right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
