can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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