We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
