I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
