Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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