You smell like stripper and shame
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
