sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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