I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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