You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
