A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
