Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
