I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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