Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
