Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
