Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
