Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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