Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
