Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
