The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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