I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
