put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
