I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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