I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
