My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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