also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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